Series Premiere Title: “Don’t Get Mad, Call Chad”
*Spoiler alert, please watch the original Breaking Bad series before reading this!
Las Vegas, Nevada, present day, late evening.
On a warm, clear night, an empty suburban street appears. Stars are out as far as the eye can see. A gentle desert breeze blows. It is very peaceful, until¾¾¾ZOOM! A massive stretch limo comes barreling down the street and runs a flashing red light. The limo takes a corner hard and loses a hubcap as loud music blares out of the limo.
Cut to a huge suburban apartment complex with nicely manicured lawns, a swimming pool, barbecue pits, and a volleyball court.
A dog barks in the distance as TV screens glow in the numerous rows of windows. An SUV pulls up; a beautiful pair of legs gets out of the vehicle and walks up a concrete pathway. The woman’s red high-heel shoes sparkle as she walks. She is a statuesque blonde with very, very long legs.
The woman ascends an outdoor staircase that overlooks a large swimming pool. In the background the bright casino lights of Las Vegas glow in the distance.
The woman enters an apartment, which is a modest two-bedroom place, sparsely decorated. A pair of hairy legs with dirty white socks is resting on a cluttered coffee table; a man is watching a movie. A scene from the movie Jaws is playing on screen, “We’re gonna need a bigger boat,” says the Roy Scheider character Martin Brody.
WOMAN: Hey honey.
The woman closes the door, tosses her bag and keys on a chair near the entrance, and squeezes the man’s toes as she walks by.
The man is smoking a bong. He holds up his hand and waves hello as he inhales a hit of weed.
The limo continues racing through the streets. It’s going 70mph in a 45mph zone. The driver grips the wheel tightly as he negotiates another turn.
Back at the apartment, the woman goes into the kitchen and begins pouring herself a cocktail. In the background, the man is cutting a line of coke on the coffee table in the living room.
The camera only shows the back of the man’s head; he is wearing a beanie. He carefully cuts a line of coke onto the glass-covered coffee table.
WOMAN: (To the man) So this new redheaded dancer, Jane, I think I told you about her before, the biggest fucking klutz! She ran into me today during practice and I fell down almost breaking my fucking neck, the stupid cow!
The woman kicks off her shoes and they fly into the corner of the kitchen.
WOMAN: (Yelling) We are wearing ten-inch heels! You can’t fucking run into people, learn the fucking routine already!
She opens the fridge and puts ice into her drink. She takes off her dress and tosses it over a chair.
WOMAN: (Continues) She was like, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” I bet she fucking did it on purpose; I wouldn’t put it past her. She wants to put me in the hospital so her friend can take my place. Believe me, it happens all the fucking time!
She takes off her bra and tosses it on the kitchen table.
The limo continues racing through the empty streets. In the passenger seat, a person hangs on tightly as the limo high-tails it down residential streets.
In the back seat of the limo, two naked bodies flop around unconsciously. The mini refrigerator has opened up. Bottles, cans, and glasses are rolling around on the ground as the driver negotiates yet another rough turn.
Back at the apartment, the woman is now topless and wearing a black G-string. She walks towards the man while holding a drink in one hand. She sits on the guy’s lap and starts grinding.
The man pours coke on the woman’s amazingly fake breasts and snorts a line using a rolled up $100.00 bill as a straw. We see the coke going up the makeshift straw and into the guy’s nose. He leans back onto the sofa revealing his face for the first time. It’s Jesse Pinkman looking up at his hot girlfriend and suddenly very aroused.
JESSE: Yo, let’s fuck!
The limo makes a hard left into an apartment complex, drives to an empty area of the parking lot, and spins a 180. Another hubcap goes flying. Two guys jump out of the limo and run over a grassy knoll, past a volleyball court, and around a swimming pool to a staircase.
In the apartment, Jesse is fucking his girlfriend, Melinda, on the sofa and watching the shark movie out of the corner of his eye.
MELINDA: Baby, you ever think about marriage and having a family?
Jesse stops fucking for a second and eyes her suspiciously.
Badger and Skinny Pete suddenly barge in to Jesse’s apartment. Melinda yells and runs into the back room.
JESSE: Yo, bitches, don’t you fucking know how to knock?
BADGER: Get dressed, Jesse! We need your help!
JESSE: What the fuck, over?
BADGER: Get fucking dressed, now! We’ve got a situation! A major-league situation!
SKINNY PETE: (Checking out Jesse’s junk) Dude, seriously, no condom? Come on bro!
Jesse gives Skinny Pete a look, then reluctantly gets dressed.